The Blame Game

He is a brilliant banker. At 37, he is already the zonal head of his bank, and will soon gain more promotion. He is comfortable, lovable and happily married. But wait a minute! Happily married? Almost, he says. His marriage would have been perfect and he would have been the happiest man in the world but...and there he goes: But, but, but...... if only his wife is a little bit more patient, less aggressive, and talk less. She nags too much and jumps to conclusion too quickly. Right now he is not so very happy, and his wife is the cause of it.

His wife is a 30 year-old beauty: tall, elegant and very intelligent. She is a top ranking marketing manager of a telecommunications company. She makes friends easily, popular and well-respected. Her husband would have been the best man in the world, but, but, but......if only he can be more open and stop hiding his mobile phone from her, and stop calling every good looking lady around him his sister, or stop being stingy with his money, or stop visiting his mother too often, if only......she would have been the happiest woman in the world.

What about John the technocrat? He is deputy director in a federal government ministry, and enjoys his work. His only problem is his boss in the office who does not like to see his face. And so John is always gloomy and depressed when going to work, because he has no choice than to work with his boss who hates him so much. Meanwhile, John's boss spends a lot of time discussion with his pastor daily, followed by fervent prayers. The subject of the prayer is of course John: that God should send His powerful wind to blow John away. John's boss would have been a very happy and fulfilled man but for his wicked assistant who wishes him dead so that he can take over his position of director. He prays: 'O God! If only John could die or be sacked, my joy will be so great and of course I will make more donations to your church.'

If you are one of the majority in our society who have fallen into this negative mindset, I have good news for you. This year, you can set yourself free from this negative mindset. This year, you can become free to actualise your potentials, and be the self you really want to be. Nobody, no condition, can make you unhappy. Your happiness does not lie in the hand of anybody. Only you can make yourself happy. This year, I challenge you to take charge of your life. Look around you and you will be amazed at how easily we shift responsibility for our happiness to others, or blame others for our problems, failures, and mistakes.

It is called the Blame game. This is how it goes:

• 'Ten years ago my father called me a fool, which had a negative psychological effect on me. Since then I have been a fool, and I am likely to remain a fool forever. So don't blame me if I am irresponsible or unserious. Blame my father. He caused it'
  
  
• 'It is not my fault that I lose my temper at every slight provocation. It is the fault of my uncle's wife who gave me 'winch' ten years ago'
  
  
• 'It is not my fault that I have sat for JAMB more than six times without meeting the cut-off mark. It is the fault of those wicked examiners who did not allow me to cheat in the examination hall'
  
  
• 'It is my children's fault that I am not moving ahead in my career. They are just too demanding.'
  
  
• 'It is not my fault but my mother-in-law's fault that my marriage broke up '
  
  
• 'It is not my fault that I am always falling sick. It is the fault of my wife who does not cook a balanced diet in the house'
  
  
• 'It is my wife's fault that I get drunk every weekend. If she had been a more caring housewife, I would not have turned to drinking to drive away loneliness.'

They are everywhere. They are constantly complaining about their ex-husbands or their ex-wives, their bosses, their loneliness. There are the married people who are constantly complaining about their children, their lack of money, their lack of communication, their lack of understanding, and so on. They are the sick people who are constantly blaming their nephews, uncles, brothers-in-law and the devil for their illnesses. They are all playing a game, the blame game! They derive some comfort from thinking of themselves as victims. By doing that, they have given their power to someone or something else. When you make yourself a victim, then you become powerless, for it is the characteristic of a victim to be weak and powerless.

This year, I want you to come to the realisation that YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. Nothing happens to you without your consent. Only you can make yourself happy and successful. Today, right now, you can take charge of your life. You can take responsibility for your life, your experiences, your feelings, your emotions, your successes and your failures. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY MEANS NEVER BLAMING ANYONE FOR ANYTHING YOU BECOME, ANYTHING YOU DO, ANYTHING YOU THINK, ANYTHING YOU FEEL, ANYTHING YOU HAVE OR DON'T HAVE.

You, only you, and no one else, create what you feel, think or see. Your bad feelings, your depressive feelings, your bad moods are not caused by anything or by anyone else. They are your creation. And if you create them, then you can change them, alter them and make them serve you for a good purpose. They are not your master. You are the master. You are the one in control.

This year, put an end to the blame game. You have played it for so long. It does not work. It never worked, and will never work. You don't have to blame anybody or even yourself. Life is an ocean, so vast, so rich, so blue, and so sweet. Enter into it and flow with it. Rivers don't struggle to flow. Birds don't struggle to fly. Fishes don't struggle to swim. And you don't need to struggle to be happy. That, my dear friend, is my wish for you in 2010.